Nightmares
by TheShunnedPrince
Summary: Alec is left broken and plagued by nightmares after the death of Max. Thankfully, Magnus is there to help Alec through his grief. Set after COG during Magnus and Alec's vacation.


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the _Mortal Instruments_ characters. They belong to Cassandra Clare.

Alec's nightmare started off how they usually did: with a happy memory.

In the dream, Alec was fourteen. He was nestled into his bed, body propped up on several pillows, and a heavy, old book in his arms. It was a book on Demon Languages, something Hodge had assigned to them to read for homework. Hodge had only assigned three chapters, but as the oldest, Alec felt that it was his duty to read the whole book since he knew neither Jace of Izzy would do it.

Now, at 1:00 a.m, Alec was beginning to regret that decision. His eyelids were drooping, the Latin text of the book was blurring together. It felt like his room had gotten darker since an hour ago, but Alec knew that was just his eyes playing tricks on him. He was just about to put the book away and call it a night when he heard a door open from across the hall. Alec froze.

"Jace?" a small voice called. Alec let out a breath. It was Max. "Jace? You in there?" Max asked, and Alec heard knocking. Of course Jace wasn't in there. He had had a nightmare, and had left half an hour ago to practice in the training room. Of course, Jace hadn't told Alec about the nightmare, but Alec knew about it anyway, just like he knew all of Jace's other habits.

Alec sighed, and slowly climbed out of his cozy blanket nest. He walked out into the hall and saw Max standing in his blue pajamas in front of Jace's room. Max's brown hair was all rumpled, and there was a desperate look in his eyes.

"Max?" Alec called. Max spun around to face Alec, staring at him. Alec instantly felt uncomfortable under Max's gaze. He knew it was ridiculous to be intimidated by a five year old, but it was Jace or Izzy who interacted with Max the most. "What's wrong, Max?" Alec asked. Max stared at Alec for a while before answering.

"I'm looking for Jace," he said, and Alec resisted the urge to roll his eyes. By the Angel, he didn't have the patience for children.

"I know you're looking for Jace, but he's not here right now. Why don't you come into my room?" Alec suggested. Max thought about it for a second, but then shook his head.

"No thanks," he squeaked, and turned away. Alec almost let him go when he realized Max was shaking.

"Max, are you okay?" Alec asked. Max stopped in his tracks and spun around.

"No. I had a nightmare." Alec raised his eyebrows. To be honest, it kind of hurt Alec that Max would rather go to Jace than him for comfort.

"Do you want to stay in my room for a while?" Alec asked. He tried and failed to make it sound more like a suggestion, and not a command. But to his surprise, Max nodded. So Alec opened his room door and let Max in.

Once the door had closed behind Alec, he stood by it, awkwardly playing with his fingers.

"Am I allowed to sit on your bed?" Max asked. Alec looked up in surprise.

"Of course, why wouldn't you be?" Alec asked. Max shrugged.

"You've always told me I wasn't allowed to touch your stuff." Alec sighed.

"Well, this is an exception," he replied. Max smiled a bit, and cautiously sat down on the bed, as if he were afraid it would explode. After hesitating for a moment, Alec came and sat down next to him.

"What was your nightmare about?" he asked, poking Max's arm lightly.

"I don't want to talk about it," Max said. Alec ran a hand through his hair. Why was Max making this so difficult?

"Then what do you want to talk about?" Alec asked. Max looked around the room, and found the book Alec was reading earlier.

"What's that?" he asked. Alec frowned.

"It's a book on demon languages. It's too complicated for you to read." Max looked down in disappointment.

"Am I allowed to lie down on your bed?" Max asked. Alec sighed. He had already allowed Max to sit on his bed, so why not?

"Yeah, sure," Alec said. Max grinned, and snuggled into the blankets, tucking himself in all the way so that Alec could only see his face.

"How come you guys don't let me train with you?" Max pestered.

"You're too young to train, Max," Alec said, growing slightly annoyed.

"But I still need to know how to defend myself," Max pushed.

"You can learn how to defend yourself in a few years. You don't need to right now. Jace, Izzy, and I'll protect you" Alec replied.

"But what if something happens to you guys, and I'm all alone, and I don't know how to fight back?" Max demanded,

Alec frowned. Max never asked these types of questions. He usually prefered reading to fighting. There was something off about this….

"Max, was this what your nightmare was about?" Alec asked, and he knew he was right when Max flinched.

"You guys were all dead," Max whispered. "A demon had killed you. All of you: Jace, Izzy, mom, dad. And then it turned to me, and it was going to tear me apart and I couldn't do anything." Alec sucked in a breath.

"Max, that won't ever happen. We'll always be there to protect you. _I'll_ always protect you. I won't let anything happen to you," Alec said. He suddenly felt so protective over Max.

"Do you promise, Alec?" Max asked. Alec hesitated. It was dangerous to make promises like these, especially if you were a shadowhunter. But then he decided that he _would_ protect Max. No matter what, he would not let anything happen to his little brother.

"I promise, Max," Alec said, and Max beamed.

"Can I sleep here, Alec?" he asked. Alec felt himself give in.

"Fine, but only this once," he said, and Max's smile grew even bigger as he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Then the dream changed. Alec was no longer fourteen or in his room. He was 18, his current age, and in the Penhallows' house. It was dark, and screams could be heard echoing outside.

"Hello, Alec," a voice said to his right. Alec spun around and stood facing a nine year old Max. His breath caught. There was blood all over Max's clothes, and something terribly _wrong_ with his face. It took a moment for Alec to realize that it was wrong because there was no expression in his eyes. Max had always had expressive eyes full of curiosity and wonder. But the Max that stood before Alec had empty eyes, and wore a sad smile.

"You broke your promise," Max said, walking towards Alec. Alec felt himself step back.

"Max, I'm so sorry," Alec said, tears coming to his eyes. Max was right, he _had_ broken his promise. It was his fault Max was dead. It was his fault for leaving him and Izzy alone with Sebastian. It was his fault for not looking out for Max. Everything was his fault.

"How could you break your promise, Alec? I trusted you!" Max shouted. Alec took another step back and realized he had backed up into a wall.

"Max, I'm sorry," Alec choked out again. It seemed to be the only words he could get out. He knew it was pathetic, that no apology could make up for his mistakes. Apparently, Max thought so too because he brought out a hammer.

"I'm sorry too Alec," he said, and brought the hammer down on Alec's face.

Alec woke up freezing, tangled in sheets and drenched in sweat. He sat up, panting, trying to catch his breath. It wasn't working. All that was going through his head was _it was my fault. It was my fault. It was my fault_. He swung his feet off the bed and onto the cold floor.

There was a noise from the mattress, and Alec saw Magnus lying there, thankfully still asleep. He did not want Magnus to see him when he could barely suck in a breath. Alec's shirt was sticking to his body, and he squirmed restlessly inside it as he made his way to the bathroom.

Once in the bathroom, Alec went straight to the sink and vomited out the contents of last night's dinner. His heart was racing as he retched, and he still couldn't breath properly. Once he was done puking, Alec turned on the faucet and splashed cold water on his face. It didn't help much since he was already freezing.

With his hands shaking, Alec dried off his face, and slid down the bathroom wall, onto the floor. He pulled in his legs, and rested his head on his knees, trying to stop breathing so fast. His ears were blocked, so Alec didn't notice the door opening and closing, or even somebody frantically calling his name. The only thing Alec could hear was his rapid breathing, and it wasn't until Magnus grabbed his arm he realized that somebody else was there.

"Alec?" Magnus called softly, tilting up Alec's face. Alec's eyes darted around, and finally found Magnus's face. Just seeing Magnus calmed him down a little. Not enough to get his breathing to normal, but enough for him to pause and stare at Magnus. Magnus's hair was messed up, there was still glitter on his clothes, which were rumpled and soiled from sleep. Alec though he looked beautiful.

"Alec, darling, calm down. You're fine, everything's okay," Magnus soothed. Alec tried to tell Magnus that he couldn't calm down, but Magnus seemed to get the message, and had Alec in an embrace before Alec could protest. Alec leaned his head against Magnus's chest and Magnus rocked him back and forth, whispering comforting words into his ears, and rubbing his back.

"It's all my fault, Magnus," Alec whispered. Alec could almost hear Magnus frown.

"What's your fault?" Magnus asked. Alec sighed shakily.

"Max," he said. "I should have protected him." Magnus stroked Alec's hair.

"It wasn't your fault, Alec. Some things are out of your hands," Magnus said.

"But this _was_ in my hands. I left Max and Izzy alone with Sebastian. I shouldn't have trusted that lunatic," Alec argued. Magnus stopped stroking Alec's hair and Alec wished he hadn't.

"Alec, you need to stop blaming yourself. Everyone trusted Sebastian. And I bet everybody blames themselves for Max's death. You guys all have to stop. There was nothing any of you could have done." There was a dangerous edge to Magnus's voice, so Alec fell silent. Instead, he snuggled into Magnus a bit more, and Magnus resumed stroking Alec's hair.

Slowly, Alec felt his heartbeat slow down, and his breathing become less panicked. A wave of tiredness overcame Alec, and he felt himself close his eyes. Alec had just been freezing cold, but now, in Magnus's arms he felt warm, and fuzzy, and most of all: safe. Alec was just dozing off when Magnus's voice cut through his sleep.

"Alec? You ready to go back to bed now, love?" Magnus whispered. Alec sighed. How many times did they have to do this? How many times did Alec have to wake up screaming? And how many nights would Magnus have to waste calming Alec down? This vacation with Magnus was supposed to be a break from all of his problems.

"Yeah, okay," Alec replied, and Magnus helped him to his feet. "I'm sorry," Alec mumbled, and Magnus frowned.

"And what exactly are you sorry for?" Magnus asked. The dangerous edge was back in his voice.

"Because I wake you up almost every night with my stupid nightmares and panic attacks," Alec said. Magnus sighed.

"Alec, how many times do I have to tell you that I don't care about getting up every night if it helps you. Do you think I can just stay in bed while you go hyperventilate in the bathroom? Because I can't, Alec. When will you get it through your head that I love you, and I care about you enough that I wouldn't mind comforting you every single night for the rest of my life?" Magnus yelled.

Alec was struck dumb by this. He knew Magnus loved him, but the fact that anybody would willingly stay up all night just to comfort him shocked Alec. Alec wanted to tell Magnus how much that meant to him, but something else came out.

"Don't say that. Your life is a really long time, Magnus," Alec whispered. Magnus heaved an exasperated sigh.

"My god, Alec. You're impossible," Magnus said, but he was smiling fondly. Alec felt his lips twitch a bit.

"Let's go back to bed," Alec said, and Magnus nodded.

They both climbed into bed, and Magnus's arms went methodically around Alec, holding him tightly. Alec snuggled into the blankets. His life wasn't perfect, but it sure felt like it was when he was in Magnus's arms. Alec closed his eyes, confident that Magnus would keep all the nightmares away.


End file.
